When you are grieving, even the thought of celebrating Christmas can be quite scary and your grief may become more intense during this period. When you are missing someone you may feel more angry, burst into tears, or generally feel worried about how you are going to get through the festivities. These feelings are all completely normal, and we have put together this blog to give you some tips for coping with grief at Christmas.
Put Yourself First
It can be helpful to plan in advance if you are worried about how you are going to cope over Christmas. Think about who you really want to spend time with, and any festivities that you feel like you want to take part in. There shouldn’t be any pressure from your loved ones to even celebrate Christmas, you have to do what is best for you.
Every person goes through bereavement in different ways, so put together a plan of what you will feel comfortable doing during the festive period and permit yourself to do what you want. There shouldn’t be any guilt for letting yourself have a bit of enjoyment in your life, even after losing a loved one. Think about celebrating in their memory.
Remember that your emotions are likely to change from one day to the next, so even if you have planned particular events don’t put pressure on yourself to attend if you aren’t feeling up to it on the day. Let yourself feel these emotions too, don’t bottle everything up inside. If you have a hectic few days ahead of you, plan in some quiet time where you can relax and do what you need to do in order to feel a bit better.
Find Ways To Remember Them
Just because your loved one is no longer with you, it doesn’t mean that you have to pretend you are ok and carry on with Christmas as normal. Take time to visit their grave or a place that was special to them, and if you feel up to it try talking to them either out loud or in silence. Tell them exactly how you are feeling, you might just find that letting everything out makes you feel slightly better.
It is entirely up to you whether you visit your loved one alone or with company, but make sure the choice is yours. Families can be incredible, but sometimes they don’t quite understand things if they haven’t been through it themselves. Explain that you need space away from them, or support from them, just let them know how they can help you through this difficult time.
Think About Old & New Traditions
Christmas often brings up traditions, and these can be even harder to navigate if you have lost a loved one. You may find yourself feeling upset as you can no longer carry out the traditions in the same way. Don’t be afraid to change old traditions, or even create new ones. It doesn’t mean that you are ‘moving on’, but just finding new ways to remember the person you are missing. If you have children, this can be incredibly important to help them cope with their grief too. Here are a few ideas to help you:
- You could buy or make a Christmas bauble to remember the person who has died. This could be something as simple as a feather bauble with their name engraved onto it, or even a photo of them inside a bauble.
- If you celebrate Christmas with stockings, you could still display the one for your lost one, but change it slightly so you fill it with messages or letters. Then on Christmas Day, you could read out some of the memories so they are with you on the day.
- You could light a candle in honour of them, and light it for certain periods of the day or night so you allow yourself to remember them when it is lit.
- If you feel up to it on Christmas Day, you could decorate their headstone or memorial plaque to show that they are still in your thoughts during this difficult time.
Coping With Your First Christmas After Bereavement
The first Christmas without your loved one is always going to be the hardest, and your emotions will probably be all over the place. Try to take one day at a time, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You will still be processing the grief and understanding how to come to terms with the loss, so do what feels right for you at the time.
There are so many supportive communities out there to help people going through exactly what you are going through, don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone else who isn’t a close relative. Sometimes a listening ear is all you need when your emotions are rife, or if you don’t feel like talking then perhaps write down your thoughts in a journal.
We hope this has given you some tools for coping with grief at Christmas, just remember to do what you feel is best. You may want to be alone, you may want to be surrounded by your family. Either are perfectly fine.